7/12/22: Dreaming of Better Things

I don’t know if it’s specific to a particular time of year — I don’t track these moods — or just whenever I have a moment to slow down and let my mind drift, but lately I have been thinking a lot about my future. My living situation in particular.

Kira is loving her new job, and they seem to really like her, too. She does the job well, feel gratified by it, and looks forward to starting work in the morning. What a fucking 180, huh? This is the same woman who, at her old job, would text me multiple times a day about how much she wished she could leave, more than once through tears and from a bathroom stall. She is happier when she comes home, has more energy, more patience, and is just generally a different person.

It doesn’t hurt that the pay is a massive improvement. Not “get rich” improvement, but to the extent that, should this job move to permanent after her six-month contract, we would be able to actually move by next summer.

So of course, that’s got me thinking about new houses and new starts.

This summer so far has already been about embarking on new endeavors — I started taking pole, which is amazing, and started writing again, which is also amazing but also way more of a slog than drawing (seriously, how can these two activities feel so incredibly different to me?)

I also made a conscious decision to start seriously perusing the Zillow and Redfin emails that I still get (mostly because my instinct with unwanted mail is to just delete; I never, like, fully unsubscribe because I’m a trash pile), and have been browsing houses in my area in morning over my coffee.

Kira and I have slightly different make-or-break criteria for what we want out of out new home, though most of the significantly important things mesh, I think.

We both agree that whatever else, our new home needs to be a single-family home (living in a duplex hasn’t been awful by any means, but if we’re going to move anyway, we’re going to move somewhere were there aren’t strangers on the other side of our wall). We both know we want off-street parking, a dishwasher, a bigger back yard.

She insists on central air, which, honestly, I can’t argue with — installing the window units every year is a massive pain in the ass, and HRT has absolutely decimated her upper body strength, so it’s becoming more and more of a physical struggle. That being said, while that would definitely tip any house further into my favor, I could forgo it should other conditions be right. As of right now, Kira is adamant. Like, will not fucking move about this, so. We’ll keep out fingers crossed for more homes with central air to be on the market next summer.

I feel like I’m more flexible. I don’t know that I have any other dealmaker/breaker criteria — there are things I want, there are things I don’t want, there are things I would love, there are things I would tolerate. As long as its a standalone house not in need of a full overhaul, I’m probably going to be amenable to at least checking it out or considering it.

What would I like to see in a new house? That’s a different story. I’ve got a long list of things that would make a home more enticing to me, and I’m both encouraged and disheartened to see so many of them on the market right now (encouraged because it means they exist round me, you know what I mean? Disheartened because I’m convinced if they all go on the market now, there won’t be any available to me in a year).

I would love more counter space in the kitchen. More cabinet space. A larder, if possible, and an island. Recessed bookcases or curios in the living room. Open floor plans. No carpeting — no, not anywhere (well, I could be okay with it in the bedrooms, I guess). Hardwood or laminate flooring. At least 1.5 baths (I could live with one , but two would be phenomenal). A third bedroom that Kira and I could use as a studio (with both do art, and she does modeling, so she has a lot of photography equipment).

A big backyard with room for a garden — full sun, so things will actually grow. I would love to try my hand at growing veggies, and that’s not something I feel like I can really do here. A privacy fence would be wonderful (we could always put one up ourselves, of course, but what’s the harm in hoping someone’s already done the work?) A master bedroom that could accommodate a king-sized bed. And if I could find a true walk-in closet, I think I would cry (Kira and I have… so many clothes).

I feel rejuvenated by fresh surroundings, you know? I feel energized and more creative and productive in spaces that are well organized, or that I feel like I can make beautiful. I feel like we moved into this place in a fit of desperation (we really and truly did like the place, it was objectively the nicest of all the places we saw, but we were also motivated by absolutely hating where we were and needing to get out fast — that might be another story for another day, though) and now that we have a little more stability, and a child who is nearly eight (instead of eighteen months), and a better sense, aesthetically and personally, of who we are and what we want out of a space… that now is the time to make that change.

Or start considering it, at least.

All of this hinges on several tenuous scenarios at the moment, but it doesn’t hurt to dream, I suppose. Eventually we will want to move regardless, and it’s good to know what we’re looking for before we becoming overwhelmed by the process.


I hope you are all doing well. I’m glad to be writing on Medium again, which, I hope, will allow me to be a little more candid on this blog, and be a little more personal or anecdotal.

Take care of yourselves, and each other.

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