10/4/2022: Looking Towards the Horizon

Falling back into bad habits means not updating this blog for a month plus. Huh. Sorry? I feel less pressure to update here now that I’m writing more regularly and have a reliable place to showcase my writing to an audience; this feels more like a place to toss out updates on my projects and little anecdotes about my life, and I like that sort of compartmentalization. A place for every thing, every thing in its place.

Today is the second consecutive day I’ve taken as a sick day, and guilt weighs heavily upon me. Oh, I am actually sick — my six-year-old niece, with whom I spent Friday afternoon, has been sick since Saturday and apparently thought it would be fun to share the joy, as it were — I just, I don’t know, always feel bad missing work? Even though my coworkers are outwardly very supportive, and even though several of them have already been out, and even though I’ve spent time covering for them, I still just feel bad. Like I’m letting people down.

Don’t be like me, kids. Work/life balance is important, self-care is important, and in COVID times, staying home when you’re sick is super fucking important. It’s just a hard thing for me to internalize. I need to work on it.

I’m allaying some of the guilt by trying to be productive: some important chores got done yesterday, and more should get done today, assuming my stamina holds out. In between bursts of cleaning, I’m trying to hydrate, rest, relax; but also, the mess in this house is such a stressor that, to a certain extent (and assuming I listen to my body and pace myself), cleaning feels like self-care. Like, it’s going to benefit me in the long run. I cleaned the bulk of the kitchen last night, and making dinner was so much more of a relaxing experience in a clean kitchen, you know? So yes, hopefully more of that today.

I am also hoping to find time to do some work for my two next “big” projects — creating art for the Mass Coalition for Suicide Prevention, and paneling at Arisia. More on those things later, but suffice it to say, I’m excited about both, but don’t want to say too much in the early/tentative stages (i.e., my panels might not get picked up; my art may not ultimately get accepted. etc.). I will let you all know what I know, when I know it.

In the meantime, coffee, some breakfast, a few low impact chores (doing a load of laundry sounds like a good idea, as I eyeball my suspiciously full hamper), and some YouTube for background noise. I have been getting more and more into Strange Aeons and Chad Chad lately, who cover, among other things, some of the more niche aspects and quirks of social media culture — primarily Tumblr and TikTok respectively — and are both a lot of fun to watch. Check them out on YouTube if you are so inclined.

Take care of yourselves and each other.

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